The Mystery Of Men’s Shorts

After a few hours of shopping for shorts (since cargo shorts are out of style) I’ve figured this out.

1. 85% Of shorts sold are in fact cargo shorts.  They may not be big huge pocket cargo shorts but they still have the pocket and are still labeled cargo.  If cargo shorts are so taboo in 2017 than why are they taking up most of the sales floor in all of these stores?  Also, I noticed walking around the malls and outlets that the majority of all guys 20 to 40 years old were wearing cargo shorts.  are these guys unknowingly out of style or are they just resisting the femization of man?

2.  Another portion of shorts look on and feel like I took a pair of scissors to my dress slacks.  Not only cut off dress slacks but above the knee cut off dress slacks.   It looks and feels weird unless you are golfing.  I’m also 41 and trying to avoid dad shorts.

3. Probably the closest to what would be considered “In style today” are what I’d call the skinny man’s shorts.   Shorts that are a few inches above the knee and hard core tapered to be not snug on the keen but close enough to feel restricted.  If your a bigger man they make you look awkwardly top heavy.  Also, if you’re a bit taller it makes you look like you are wearing something from the kid’s department.

4. The colors…   Oh man, the colors…   Pastels covered the walls of Macy’s and many of the department stores.  Shades of light blue, pink, and a bunch of other color combinations of colors that resembled anything, but the men’s department.  It was so laughable that I wanted to take a picture and post it to ask my fellow men what has happened to us.

5. The patterns.  Boat anchors were definitely the pattern of the day.  You’d expect that in the Nautica section, but for some reason other brands took on this trend.  Outside of boat anchors we also had a choice of surf boards and scooters.  Yes, there were shorts with scooters on them…  I’m not saying we should take too many steps all the way back to camo shorts, but come on with the boat anchors.

So after a long day of shopping I basically wound up with 2 pair of shorts.  One pair of at the knee Guess shorts and one slightly above the knee shorts from one of the department stores.  Neither of which that I was 100% confident in, but I figured it was better than rocking all of last years cargo shorts.   So what do I do now?  Go with style and look ridiculous or resist and be the comfortable out of style guy who just happens to wear the same shorts as 75% of every other guy I’ll pass on a daily basis?

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